In case you missed it, this week Cartoon Network announced that it has plans to make a live-action movie adaptation of the “classic” Saturday morning cartoon Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
I’ll pause now so you can utter your GTFOs and WTFs and so on.
Anyway, part of fun of thinking about how awful an idea this is, is imagining just how they’ll fill out the cast of such a project. My first stab is after the jump, but please note that absolutely no one from the A- or really even B-List is eligible. We’ve got to be realistic now, don’t we?
Kwame: I’m going with LeVar Burton because (a) he voiced Kwame in the original cartoon and (b) Reading Rainbow can’t still be around, can it? My only stipulation is that he wear Geordi La Forge’s VISOR in the role just to confuse nerds.
Wheeler: Hmm. We need a smart-aleck Ginger from America who’s the least knowledgeable of any of the Planeteers about conservation. Is Seth Green too obvious a choice? Nah. It’s Seth Green. He’s got the obvious Cartoon Network connections too.
Linka: Lindsay Lohan. She needs work, right? Watching her try to pull off a Russian accent for 90 minutes would be well worth the price of admission.
Gi: Just replace Lindsay Lohan with Bai Ling above and you’ve got my choice.
Ma-Ti: Isn’t Fez from That 70s Show basically Ma-Ti as a foreign exchange student? You can disagree I suppose, but either way, I’d love nothing more than to hatecast Wilmer Valderrama in this role. How’s Yo Momma working out for you, Wilmer?
With your powers combined, Captain Planet will be played by Brendan Fraser.
Need I say more?
I don’t see any way this movie can fail. Leave your picks for the cast, or for the wonderful villains like Looten Plunder and Hoggish Greedly in the comments.